i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
