this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
this beer tastes like vomit already
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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