Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
