think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
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