she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
i just made my gag reflex go away.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
