i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
