The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
