mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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