I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Randomize
