so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
40s are totally the cure
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Randomize
