Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
