Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
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