last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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