You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Randomize
