I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
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