I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
3 2 1 whiskey
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Randomize
