she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
