i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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