I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
