if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize