I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Randomize
