ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Randomize
