my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
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