I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
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