if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
