someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
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