I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Randomize
