dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize