He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Randomize
