youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
