Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Randomize
