you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Randomize