2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
