I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
you guys were way drunker than both of me
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
