my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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