I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
we're making bets on your personal life
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Randomize
