I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Someone signed my nipple.
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