the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Randomize
