She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Randomize
