Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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