I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Randomize
