i jhust puked up my retainher.
i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Randomize
