I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
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