The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
