u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
