I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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