he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
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