I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
You pole danced in your parka.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
