i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
