Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize