I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize
