the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Randomize
