So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
