if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Randomize
