Non-Jews are for practice
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Randomize
