Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
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