It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
