You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
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