She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
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