So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize