We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
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