is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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