Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
