did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
In other news, I just burned my penis
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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