I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
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