Me. At least after what I've been through.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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