You were right. It hurts to walk today.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
