your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Be still, my beating vagina.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
