If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
my liver is dry heaving
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
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