he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Randomize
