A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
