i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Randomize
