I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
