What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize
